The Never List

I don't think it'll ever cease to amaze me how retarded and trite people can be. And rude. And tacky. And just plain fugly. I see the majority of society as an example of what NOT to do, how NOT to be, and what NOT to wear.
Is that wrong?? Am I a snooty, closed-minded jerk for feeling this way?? I almost feel badly...
Eh..fuck it..Idon'tcare..
I'm going to share a bit of what society has taught me. I hope someone out there learns something..maybe even about themselves.

I will never...

wear skinny jeans. Especially if I'm not skinny.
attend any event centered around firearms, large trucks, people fighting in a cage, or anything having to do with self-help of any variety.
eat red hot dogs. *shiver*
think it would be cool to buy anything to impress someone else.
wear knit caps as a fashion statement.
get so embarrassingly drunk that my friends and/or significant other ditch me somewhere. Especially while naked.
tell my best friend's wife what REALLY is going through his mind.
eat pig's feet. Or any part of a pig if I can avoid it. But especially the feet. THEY'RE FUCKING FEET!!!
own a gun.
give anyone a compliment if it's a huge lie, unless there's NO way around it.
wear anything fur-lined that isn't intended to keep me from freezing to death.
stop on the on-ramp while merging, because the fast-moving cars apparently scare me, so that all the cars behind me are also screwed. (This happens mostly in Louisiana.)
eat sunflower seeds and spit out the shells incessantly.
walk in front of someone at a store, then calmly peruse the items, while they're obviously looking for something on the same shelf. (This happened this morning. Good to know I'm still invisible.)
add all that unnecessary crap to my car, like the rain guard things over the windows, tinted light covers, window-tinting, spoiler bars, random flames or racing decals/paint, any kits that make it sound faster than it actually is, rims, low-profile tires, lift kits, or anything that amplifies sound so much that the car could entertain a college football stadium. These people have seen too many Fast and Furious movies and likely have small-penis issues.
speak, dress, or act like certain segments of the African American population...because I am not.
listen to anything by Kid Rock.
be left alone in a room with my brother-in-law.
be left alone in a room with Kid Rock.
allow an animal to lick me intentionally and/or at great length. eeww
wear a halter top.
become addicted to any sort of gaming.
befriend people I meet in bar or club bathrooms.
FB friend-request every single human being I know that has a FB page just so I have more friends.
FB friend-request every new person I meet.
again eat cheese fries from a bar that is also a laundromat. (I really did that...BAD idea..)
wear cargo khakis anywhere but work, where I am forced to. Especially with polo shirts. Especially green polo shirts.
allow random people to give me back rubs.
get anyone's name as a tattoo. Especially on my neck, forearm, or ankle.
consider a trip to Waffle House a fun evening out.
smoke.
put myself or my needs/wants before anyone I love.
sing karaoke.
watch Bad Santa or Road House ever again. 8-/ Ever. Everever...


This list will never shorten, and will certainly grow.. *siiiigh*